The Fight For Intimacy

Recently at New Life Tabernacle, they were taking a deep dive into something that is not widely talked about in the church culture and it is something that is so intimate and so amazing that we should be talking about it ya know? These notes are what I took away from it and I hope I do it justice because it was an incredible preach by Pastor JP. It is very scripture heavy just FYI and that’s just personally how I enjoy sermons

Song of Solomon 5:2 – 6:3  I slept, but my heart was awake, when I heard my lover knocking and calling: “Open to me, my treasure, my darling, my dove, my perfect one. My head is drenched with dew, my hair with the dampness of the night.” But I responded, “I have taken off my robe. Should I get dressed again? I have washed my feet. Should I get them soiled?” My lover tried to unlatch the door, and my heart thrilled within me. I jumped up to open the door for my love, and my hands dripped with perfume. My fingers dripped with lovely myrrh as I pulled back the bolt. I opened to my lover, but he was gone! My heart sank. I searched for him, but could not find him anywhere. I called to him, but there was no reply. The night watchmen found me as they made their rounds. They beat and bruised me and stripped off my veil, those watchmen on the walls. Make this promise, O women of Jerusalem— If you find my lover, tell him I am weak with love. Young Women of Jerusalem Why is your lover better than all others, O woman of rare beauty? What makes your lover so special that we must promise this Young Woman My lover is dark and dazzling, better than ten thousand others! His head is finest gold, his wavy hair is black as a raven. His eyes sparkle like doves beside springs of water; they are set like jewels washed in milk. His cheeks are like gardens of spices giving off fragrance. His lips are like lilies, perfumed with myrrh. His arms are like rounded bars of gold, set with beryl. His body is like bright ivory, glowing with lapis lazuli. His legs are like marble pillars set in sockets of finest gold. His posture is stately, like the noble cedars of Lebanon. His mouth is sweetness itself; he is desirable in every way Such, O women of Jerusalem, is my lover, my friend. Where has your lover gone, O woman of rare beauty? Which way did he turn so we can help you find him? My lover has gone down to his garden, to his spice beds, to browse in the gardens and gather the lilies. I am my lover’s, and my lover is mine. He browses among the lilies. You are beautiful, my darling, like the lovely city of Tirzah. 

The Fight for intimacy:

Sexuality is not taught by parents or by the church now days. It’s something that should be taught by them but it has become such a taboo subject that we just tend to avoid nowadays. The role of your pastor is to teach what Godly sex is. Just because you are married and go to church does not mean you have Godly sex. In fact there are people around churches all over the world that do not have Godly sex.

The biggest problem with couples is intimacy. God never wanted emotional intimacy to be disconnected from sexual intimacy. They were always supposed to be connected and gone hand in hand.

  1. Intimacy requires two people with desire. 

The woman was just TIRED and thus did not want to be intimate (we need to remember that)

Song of Solomon 5:3  But I responded, “I have taken off my robe. Should I get dressed again? I have washed my feet. Should I get them soiled?”

She was just absolutely tired but he’s excited Being tired is not wrong but it did effect the husband. He was very excited to come home and spend time with his bride but was completely let down because she did not want to be intimate.

2. Intimacy rejected caused a deep pain that causes us to run or pursue (this is the fight or flight mode) 

Song of Solomon 5:4 My lover tried to unlatch the door, and my heart thrilled within me. He did not force himself on her. Even in marriage, no is no.

Song of Solomon 5:6 I opened to my lover, but he was gone! My heart sank. I searched for him but could not find him anywhere. I called to him, but there was no reply. 

She’s just tired but he felt rejected. Instead of being compassionate for his wife, he was selfish. Jesus calls us to give up our whole entire life. everything. Even in your marriage bed, you give everything to Jesus. Because he was not willing to honour that she was tired, he left the scene and he felt hurt and rejection -which is okay to feel- but we have to learn to be patient with each other. Because he has some insecurity in his relationship, he felt rejected and hurt even though she was literally just tired. As a couple, we should be so secure in ourselves that we do not need to have sexuality and sex as a security blanket. When we are not patient with each other, we just multiply the pain. 

The woman fights for her pain and the man runs from it. Is your inclination going to cause fight or flight?

3. As people we need to fight for intimacy with our lovers. 

Song of Solomon 5:7 The night watchmen found me as they made their rounds. They beat and bruised me and stripped off my veil, those watchmen on the walls

The woman grabs her stuff and runs after her husband. In this time, seeing a woman out at that hour could have meant that she was a prostitute. She was then raped by the police. What they are pointing out is that women were being taken advantage of and they were raped and that is just part of their story. To try and make things right, she goes out to pursue her husband and thus, something bad happens to her. (jeez, okay then)

Song of Solomon 5:8 Make this promise, O women of Jerusalem— If you find my lover, tell him I am weak with love

This is an example for that even though you experienced some type of pain, you can still love your partner. This is also such an indication of God’s love for you. Even though He was beaten for you, banished and crucified, He still runs after you and pursues you.

4. We preserved to fight for intimacy with our lover by re-orientating towards them. 

Song of Solomon 5:9-15 Why is your lover better than all others, O woman of rare beauty? What makes your lover so special that we must promise this? My lover is dark and dazzling, better than ten thousand others! His head is finest gold, his wavy hair is black as a raven. His eyes sparkle like doves beside springs of water; they are set like jewels washed in milk. His cheeks are like gardens of spices giving off fragrance. His lips are like lilies, perfumed with myrrh. His arms are like rounded bars of gold, set with beryl. His body is like bright ivory, glowing with lapis lazuli. His legs are like marble pillars set in sockets of finest gold. His posture is stately, like the noble cedars of Lebanon

Basically: “I am not going to look at the wrong doing of what has happened to me. I am going to look at the person that God has put in front of me. The one that is my partner.” She was just in love with him and did not blame him for what had happened to her.
Song of Solomon 5:16 His mouth is sweetness itself; he is desirable in every way. Such, O women of Jerusalem, is my lover, my friend.
The intimacy that is driving her is not the psychical, sexual relationship but because her husband is her friend.

5. Passionate pursuit contributes to reconciliation for intimacy

Song of Solomon 6:1-3 Where has your lover gone, O woman of rare beauty? Which way did he turn so we can help you find him?  My lover has gone down to his garden, to his spice beds, to browse in the gardens and gather the lilies. I am my lover’s, and my lover is mine. He browses among the lilies. 
They realise that this man is incredible and want to help her find him. This woman was Christ-like because even when he turned away from her, she goes and looks for him and pursues him. If she stopeed running, they would have never gotten back together.
That is the same as Jesus. He constantly pursues us and runs towards us, seeking our relationship.

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